Tuesday, September 18, 2012

False Lash Bummer!

I had such high hopes for Too Faced's Better Than False Lashes Lash Extension System! I am so disappointed that it did not work out the way I thought it would.

I don't have super wimpy lashes, they're there, but they're not exceptional by any means. I don't need false lashes on a daily basis, but I will break them out for special occasions. If I'm just going to work, I do not need false lashes; a little bit of mascara is plenty. Besides, I work with a bunch of guys who
 (1) are mostly retired military and don't normally have contact with women outside their own home (except me)
(2) have seen me without makeup anyway, and
(3) have no idea how to approach any subject relating to women  they are not related to in some way.

When I show up at work without makeup, most of the guys I work with will tell me that I look "tired". They also tell me when I need to get my roots done or when I need to wax my upper lip because they think they're being helpful/funny.

Anyway, the lashes...even though I don't NEED them per se, I thought it would be neat to have ridiculous lashes without expensive lash extensions, Latisse, or the old fashioned glue-on method, so when Better Than False Lashes arrived at the Marine Corps Exchange, I figured this was my chance to try it out at a discount.

So what went wrong with this coveted three step lash enhancement system? A few things.

First of all, the "activating mascara", which is both step one and three of the system is very sticky; an absolutely fine quality to have if you don't blink from the time you apply the mascara, until the time you remove it. Unlikely.

Step two is to brush on a coat of Flexistretch™ Nylon Fibers to built up the lashes. Again, all fine and good until the fibers that don't stick to your lashes get everywhere; in your eyes, in your bangs, and God help you if you're wearing lip gloss. It's like a very small pillow fight took place on your face.

What I expected my eye makeup to look like (RuPaul)
Then you finish by applying another coat of the sticky mascara and voila! Falsies! I stepped back from the mirror expecting high RuPaul-like drama. Meh, not so much.

What my eye makeup actually looked like (Amy Winehouse, may she R.I.P.)

In fact, it was less impressive than my usual Lancome Hypnose Drama. Then I blinked and my upper and lower lashes stuck together, effectively gluing my left eye shut. What the?!?! I pried my eyelids apart, losing a few lashes in the process and reread the directions because surely, I thought, I'd done something wrong. There was no drag queen drama and my sticky upper and lower lashes had made my eyes into a potential Venus Flytrap. I scanned the directions again, but it looked like I had done everything right, so I just kept it on and went to work. This was a mistake.

The entire day I fought flakes of the fibers falling into my eyes and my eyelashes still sticking together at random and inopportune moments. Remember how I said I work with a lot of overly honest older gentlemen? My entire day was filled with concerned questions and remarks about eye irritation, my lashes being stuck together, questions about whether I'd gotten beaten up after a giant smudge appeared under one eye, nylon fiber "fuzz", nylon fiber "bugs", and to top it off, the ever popular "You look like a raccoon." and "Why are you crying? Something I said again? Is it because of your mustache?".

I removed what was left as soon as I got home. I read some reviews on Beautylish and I agree that It's difficult to remove because it almost breaks off into little pieces. I returned it yesterday and I've showered twice since my last Better Than False Lashes attempt and I'm still finding little nylon fiber "bugs" on things today. In fact, the only 5 star review of the product on Beautylish was titled "Can't Wait To Try It!" or something along those lines.

There were a few mentions of another product from Hard Candy Cosmetics called 1000 Lashes which sells for $6 USD at Walmart. From the reviews, it looks like a very similar product at a much lower price point, except that you just get the nylon fibers and buy your choice of mascara separately. I'd try it if I could stomach our local Walmart.

For now, I'll just stick with the old fashioned method if I need some high drama drag queen lashes and glue them on.
Me, wearing my lashes (I bought them, so they're mine).

1 comment:

  1. This one cracked me up. You look lovely, and awake, so I would say you have achieved success and the American Dream.